Slice of Life March Challenge. No. 9.

For about 30 minutes, we drove through the streets of the former downtown of Portoviejo. It should have been the busiest part of the day. However, the streets were nearly vacant, like a ghost town, block after block after block.

A year ago, these streets were noisy–jammed with scooters, cars, buses, trucks. Policemen directed traffic at the busy intersections. Vendors and pedestrians crowded the sidewalks. Small crowds gathered at street corners waiting for the traffic lights to change. People clustered at bus stops. But that was before 18:58:37 on  April 16, 2016. That was before the earth convulsed, buckled, and convulsed again. That was before a 7.8 earthquake struck the city.

Immediately after the earthquake, a large area—10 city blocks by 10 city blocks—was barricaded. Do the math: 100 city blocks. Nearly a year later, a few streets remain barricaded. A great number of multi-storied buildings are totally gone. They either collapsed into piles of rubble during the earthquake or were condemned and have been torn down. In the pictures below you will see areas that look empty. That’s where these buildings once stood. Many of the buildings that are still standing are uninhabited because they are unsafe.

Some construction has begun on a few empty lots. Some buildings have been renovated and strengthened. But most businesses have relocated outside the perimeter of devastation–government offices, a hospital, banks, and restaurants and small shops. And on those streets, there are traffic jams and crowded sidewalks.

Writing about my writing.

First published copy (second paragraph)

A year ago, these streets were noisy–jammed with scooters, cars, buses, trucks. Policemen directed traffic at the busy intersections. The sidewalks were crowded with vendors and pedestrians. Small crowds gathered at street corners waiting for the traffic lights to change. People clustered at bus stops. But that was before April 16, 2016. That was before the 7.8 earthquake struck the city.

A revision of published copy, 12 hours later (second paragraph)

A year ago, these streets were noisy–jammed with scooters, cars, buses, trucks. Policemen directed traffic at the busy intersections. Vendors and pedestrians crowded the sidewalks. Small crowds gathered at street corners waiting for the traffic lights to change. People clustered at bus stops. But that was before 18:58:37 on  April 16, 2016. That was before the earth convulsed, buckled, and convulsed again. That was before a 7.8 earthquake struck the city.

My thinking behind each change

When I hit publish, I was not fully satisfied with my second paragraph, but I was too tired to analyze it.  Twelve hours later, while waiting for a pie to bake, I looked at the copy again. I approached it analytically as I read and immediately saw the changes I had felt the need for the day before. Here are the changes with my thinking in the sequence they occurred. Interestingly enough, they just happen to be in the order of the text.

1. I made “vendors and pedestrians” the sentence subject to follow the pattern of subsequent sentences with people as their subjects. This makes people in the focus of the word picture which contrasts sharply with the photographs which are almost devoid of people.
2. I inserted the exact time to create greater specificity.
3. I inserted the sentence about the earth convulsing and buckling to complete a pitchfork: three “that was before…” clauses — the power of three and repetition. The sentence also makes the reader aware of movement and introduces the thought of an earthquake without stating it which builds to the last sentence.
4. The verbs are purposeful because the earth movement actually happened in three directions; it rose and fell vertically, rippled as a wave, and shifted laterally.
5. I changed “the” to “a” so the text immediately following “that was before… ” would be different in each sentence:  “18:58:37” in the first of the three sentences, “the” in the next, and “a” in the last.

Thank you, Two Writing Teachers, for hosting
2017 Slice of Life Story Challenge